Liz O’Donnell, guest on the Rocking Your Role Show, tells us what balance really looks like.
Through the process of writing and promoting my book, Mogul, Mom & Maid: The Balancing Act of the Modern Woman, I’ve had the opportunity to speak with hundreds of women about how they do, or don’t, find balance in their lives. And if there is one clear lesson I’ve taken away from these conversations, it is this: if we want to find balance in our lives, we must stop comparing ourselves to other women.
I know that lately many work life experts are declaring there’s no such think as balance. Of course there is. What there’s no such thing as, is one version of balance. Each of us must create our own definition of having it all. And in order to do that, we must resist the urge to compare our lives, our careers, our families, our bodies and our homes, to other women.
But stopping is easier said than done. We have been conditioned our whole lives to compare. Marketers and magazine publishers bank on our wanting what some other woman has; that’s how they sell us shoes, sofas, self-help books, skincare products. Having our own all requires us to first make hard choices and then practice honoring those choices.
I have defined my all as having an interesting career that allows me to provide for my family, spend as much of my free time as possible with my family, and make time to write. Those three things are non-negotiable; everything else is optional. I’ve chosen those things over reaching the corner office, pursuing other interests like running for office, exercising with any regularity, and often, spending time with friends. I feel balanced when those three things are present in my life. I fall out of balance when I try to expand that list. I’d say I’m “successful” approximately seventy-five percent of the time. In order to get to 100 percent, I need to practice.
Right before Christmas, I was a guest on a television show talking about how women can find balance during the holidays. I urged women to lower their standards– to focus on what truly matters – their non-negotiables, and let everything else go. I wasn’t even off the studio lot when I called my husband with a huge list of home improvement projects that just had to be done before we hosted Christmas. I was comparing how my home looked to how other women’s homes looked.
“Relax,” my husband said “I just saw this woman on TV who said women should embrace good enough.” He had me. “That woman is a fraud,” I half screamed, half laughed into the phone. That woman was me, and she was right. New window treatments didn’t matter. Enjoying time with my family on Christmas did.
Am I really a fraud? I don’t think so. I think I’m just a woman practicing how to have it all. Practice rocking your own roles ladies; don’t worry about anyone else’s.
You can view Liz’s interview on You Tube
Jenny Garrett is the Executive Coach and founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy. She’s also the author of Rocking Your Role, a how-to guide to success for female breadwinners